45 Stories – 4. Water

4. Water

This is the first song we wrote in which my lyrics reflected the present. It was around March of 2015, and it was the first time while writing lyrics for this project where I didn’t need to look to a past event for inspiration. I was living unhealthily at the present, spending most nights after coming home from my stressful job as a music teacher at a special needs school, on my couch, self-medicating. I knew I was abusing my prescription for an as-needed anti-anxiety medication. I knew I was eating terribly and that not exercising was contributing to my growing depression. Thankfully, the process of writing this song allowed me to get all of my thoughts out and onto the recording, where I was then able to listen back and realize how “into myself” I had become.

This line in the song sums up its message quite nicely:

“I want desperately to let love in to melt me back right into water.”

I felt frozen, conflicted, and stuck in a mental place that I felt as though I could not get out of.

I took some inspiration from the song “River” by the band Year of the Rabbit, in which a “river” is used as a metaphor for sobriety: “I want to be like a river, just let my life flow through me.”

That line felt exactly like me, and where I was at with my self-development: stuck, but not fully lost. Self-aware. “Flowing through an awkward time.”

“Water” was the first Spies Ascend song through which I felt true catharsis. A conflicted set of lyrics, added to Fred’s perfectly somber musical backdrop of guitars, plus an extraordinarily expressive and fun recording and production process in the upstairs bedroom of my house, turned into a beautiful listen after the song’s completion. It helped me understand my life just a little better at that point. I was still frozen, but I knew what I needed to do to move forward and “melt”.


The verse and chorus of “Water” were old riffs from the early 2000’s. They were originally written for a Doom Metal project with the chorus being played on heavy distorted guitar. Before Spies Ascend I always had a hard time crafting entire songs. I often wrote riffs and relied on bandmates to finish them (I have since gotten over this). I ended up writing the third part in 2015, finishing the song. I specifically remember how cold it was in Nenner’s house and that his water got cut off. This ended up inspiring Nenner’s epicly dark lyrics to the song. We also likely ate an entire cheesecake while recording it 😛

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